Noise policy

She called again. Yes, the same woman. This time she asked: "that area on the first floor, in the rear, where there overstuffed couches [ed: there are actually overstuffed chairs] and three tables, are people allowed to speak back and forth about a project?"

"We do allow people to speak back there," I answered, adding, "what they talk about is their choice."

"Well, don't you think it would be a good policy to post a sign back there?" she began to ask.

"If you wish to suggest a policy, I can transfer you to Administration," I interjected.

"Excuse me, can you let me finish my sentence?"

"I can not do such a thing. Policies are handled by Administration; I would be glad to transfer you," I said, and began reaching for the phone pad.

"It's very rude that you interrupted me," she lectured. "You should really let me finish my sentence, and as you are not letting me finish my sentence, I see no use in speaking with you."

Click.

Many questions, one patron

A patron whose voice I recognized called just before 2pm, while I was at the Information Desk. She started by asking if someone with a card from a Nassau County library could borrow items from Suffolk County libraries. Not directly, I told her; we could do an inter-library loan. How about the reverse? she asked: could someone with a card from a Suffolk County library could borrow items from Nassau County libraries? Again, I told her, not directly; but with an inter-library loan. I told her about the LILRC pass that would allow her access to participating college libraries.

She then moved on to the main event. She asked about a book by W. Cleon Skousen, The making of America. Hillside Library owns it, I told her. Next she asked for The naked Communist, which East meadow owns. She then moved onto The 5000 year leap : the 28 great ideas that changed the world, which is in the system but dangling.

Then it got interesting. She asked if there was a way to find out if a book had been stolen. Curious, and getting a little tired, I told her that someone who does not return a book, or returns it late gets fined, or charged for the missing book.

"But someone could get his wife and kids to take books from the shelf, right?"

That one got me.

"If they take books off the shelf, and never return them, is there a way to know?"

She was on a roll.

"Why isn't The 5000 year leap by Skousen on the shelf?"

"I can't answer why, but I can tell you it isn't available for circulation."

"It's available from Barnes & Noble," she parried. "Why isn't it available from a library?"

By now I wanted to get off the phone. It was past 2pm, the next librarian was ready to take the desk, and I wanted out.

"It was recommended by Glenn Beck," she asserted.

That did it for me. Glenn Beck is a wacko, right-wing fanatic. Enough. She continued ranting about Barnes & Noble.

"Is there something else I can help you with? I need to help the next patron," I said.

Click.

A regular patron calls

She usually calls for telephone numbers, company addresses, 800 numbers; when the stimulus bill passed in the Senate, she called for the telephone numbers of the three Republican who voted for it (promising to raise hell with them).

Today she asked, first: does the library own Brave new world revisited (Aldous Huxley). No, I said (our copy is missing). "Can you tell me what libraries do own it?" Several, I told her. A long pause. Hello? Yes, she said; she was thinking.

Next: "Is the DVD Expelled: no intelligence allowed back yet?" No, I said to her. "It was supposed to be back last week," she asserted. It isn't back. "It was supposed to be back. Two weeks ago. It was in transit." It isn't here. "It was in transit." It actually is In Transit and has 1 hold. "How long does it take to get back? It was in transit."

"Be that as it may, it isn't here." By now two other patrons were in front of me, here at the Information Desk.

A long pause.

"Is there anything else I can help you with, ma'am? I need to help another patron."

Click.